It Doesn't Exist
by Uber-l33t Rabid Ninja Squirrel
Summary: True love does not exist, but love does. And it lasts. Dramione. Parts 1 and 2 of 3.
1. Reunion

Ginny and I sat together in a muggle bar, sipping our drinks and talking over the concept of true love.

"I know you're heartbroken, Hermione. But I really think true love does exist. Neither of have found it yet, but it's out there somewhere!"

Always an optimist, that's my Ginny. I couldn't help but smile at the light in her eyes as a daydream crept into them. I envied her capacity to dream of a brighter future. All of that had left me a month ago.

"As much as I'd like to think you were right, Gin, I can't believe that." I paused to gulp my Bloody Mary and then continued. "True love always sounds perfect in fairytales- but it can't happen in real life. To be truly and completely in love with someone… it would be wonderful it if it was possible."

"Oh, but it can! I can see myself loving everything about someone, no matter what it is! I mean, look how I felt for Harry!" At the mention of my old friend's name, I couldn't keep from wincing. Hearing his name, thinking of him- it still hurt.

I shook my head sadly at her youthful exuberance and ability to hope. It was funny, she was only a year younger than me, but we had taken such different routes in life.

"To love someone completely, you have to completely understand and accept who they are. It's not part of human nature to be able to wholly comprehend everything about a person. And since there's something we can't always understand, we'll never be able to completely accept them." As the light died from Ginny's eyes, I had to continue. "Ginny, as wonderful as the idea sounds… it just can't happen. Not for me."

We parted ways soon after, with a hug and promise to meet the next week. As I walked home in the dark, I couldn't help but think of what I'd said. _You can't comprehend everything about a person; it's not in the nature of a human to do so._ Maybe, if we could, Draco and I could have had a perfect life. Maybe it wouldn't have crumbled into such a futile mess. Maybe my heart wouldn't have been ripped in two.

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It was raining the day I saw him again. In time after those blissful short months, we hadn't spoken, hadn't met. The soft light glinted off his fair hair, and my heart leaped before I could stop it. Then, remembering, it fell further than it needed to, splintering into fragments of pain. I turned to go, praying he hadn't seen me. I didn't get more than three or four steps.

"Hermione, wait!" I heard light running footsteps, and then he'd caught up to me. I turned to face him, reluctantly, and my throat closed. I couldn't believe the details of his face that I'd forgotten. The little crinkle around his eyes when he was happy, the way his pointed face had lost all the gauntness it had gained during the war years. He looked me up and down, the way I did him, but didn't comment. I couldn't meet his gray eyes- not without losing the self control I'd mustered during the past few months. Not without saying what my heart was crying. _I've missed you so much!_

He must have seen something in my eyes, for he hugged me then. Pressed against his lean chest, I stiffened and pulled away. I couldn't take being that close to him. With soft fingers he lifted my chin and scrutinized my face. "This hasn't been easy on you, has it little one?" His voice was soft and I could almost forget how he'd hurt me. I could almost pretend that I was like Ginny, that I believed in true love and that I had found it. He stepped back, banishing the illusion. Those days were gone forever, and we both knew it.

We stood for another minute more, me unable to speak, and him apparently unwilling to. He touched my shoulder lightly, and whispered "remember what I said about being friends. Just because we'd never work doesn't mean I want to lose you. When you can, come to me." He turned silently and walked away.

I couldn't help but turn and watch him go. As he approached the a store entrance, a dark-haired man walked out to join him. He conversed with Draco for a moment, before they both turned briefly to look at me. I didn't need to see the flash of emerald green to know that it was Harry who accompanied him now. My once-friend hugged my once-lover and they walked off together, hand in hand. They were together now, and my heart smashed into a million smithereens. I stood with water pouring down on me to watch them go, my tears mingling with the raindrops.

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_A/N: I dislike putting notes at the end of my stories, but sometimes it's worth it. Please, please review this once you've read it. I see all the hits on my stats page and wish I could know what some of my readers were thinking. It's very important to all writers to hear from their readers- so please, click that little button down there!_


	2. Lost forever

A soft knocking on the door announced his arrival, but there was no need. I always knew whenever he was around. I opened the door to him, and he stepped inside. There was no need for the niceties. Over the past few years, we'd become close- closer than we ever were when we were together. No matter how much we shard, though, Harry always came first in his affections, and nothing could change that. We both knew it, and that knowledge hurt me more than I'd ever admit to him. So I took solace in knowing that he had opened his mind to me, more than for any other living person.

I would not touch him. To get too close to him was to fall back into the daydreams and the yearning I'd long since learned to suppress. To breathe in his scent was to forget everything- something I couldn't allow myself to do. And after I pulled out of his hugs and flinched from his touches, he had begun to understand.

He took off his cloak, wiping the wet off his face and hair, and walked by me to the kitchen. Since I'd distanced myself from him physically, we needed no greetings. There was a silent understanding between us that meant nothing needed to be said. I followed him through my house, waiting while he poured whiskey over ice for himself and another for me. Together, we walked in silence to my back porch. We sat watching the rain fall from cold metal chairs; the only sound aside from the rain was the ice clinking in our glasses.

"He asked me to marry him, Hermione. He asked me to marry him." I though I'd managed to build defenses against this day, thought I'd been able to withstand the pain I knew this event would bring. Those simple words of his shattered them all.

"Oh." We sat in silence for a few more minutes.

"I know this hurts you." He ran a slender hand through his hair, and the light glinted off a silver band I'd missed before. What little sliver of my heart was unbroken was shattered at the sight of it- he'd accepted. "It's just so over-whelming. I thought I'd never find a person I could completely fall in love with- and now I'm to marry him in a few months."

I got up quickly and walked into the rain. I had to feel something to know that I was still alive. I tilted my face to sky, letting the falling water mingle with my tears. It seemed I did that far too often when Draco was around. After a while, he came to join me, seeming not to care that the water would ruin his silk shirt. My hair was soaked, and he knew I didn't want to be touched, but he stroked my unruly locks never-the-less.

"We want you to be there, Hermione."

When I didn't respond, he kissed the top of my head lightly. It was the last contact we were likely to have for a very long time. Then he was gone, and the soft crack of his apparition shattered the air.

I sunk to the ground, a sodden mess. No matter how much we shared now, he was lost to me forever. The wounds that had just barely healed had been ripped open again, all because of love. What we'd had we certainly not true love- but nevertheless, I still loved him. And I knew deep in my heart that it would destroy me and there was nothing I could do.


End file.
